You know being in South Carolina has made me realize that I really messed up this time. I have never been so homesick in my life. There is so many things happening at home that I am not a part of. Two weeks ago I think it was... maybe even three I checked this one e-mail that I normally don't check and what you do you know I have an e-mail from Maria. Reading it made me cry because she is one of my dearest and bestfriends that I could ever have. She knows so much about me and I know so much about here. We have been there for each other and I can say shes more than my best friend she is like a sister. Well the e-mail stated about how she was moving and I knew for awhile that she was but she apologized for not telling me sooner, as I read on she stated that she wished she could see me before they left... one minor problem I'm in S.C. AYC is right around the bend and I won't be going to that. The one thing that I look forward to in the summer I can't attend... that one bums me out to. I not only miss my friends from church but I also miss my friends from Liverpool. I know why my mom sent me down here and I really don't blame her... I was getting into some crazy things and I know she did it to protect me but why do I resent her so much somedays... Sometimes I feel like she is the cause of my unhappiness and when I talk to her on the phone still I drill it into her mind that she is the cause of all this heartbreak. I mean my dad almost died and I blamed my mom for sending me down here! What in the world is wrong with me! I feel so lost and alone... I feel that God has abandoned me! No matter how hard I pray I feel that my prayers are unanswered. And then I feel like such a fake when I tell my friends all the good things God has done for me when I don't even go to church anymore. I don't even remember the last time I set foot in a church! Before I got on here I got off the phone with my friend Amanda and we were talking and we got on the subject of God... Most of the things we talked about we had mutual feelings on and the biggest thing was why do we put all our time and effort into God when no matter how hard we pray our prayers never seem to be answered. That is my biggest question, I know and believe in God but I don't understand why so many of my prayers go unanswered. I would love to be on the people in church that can just go on and on about the blessings in their life. I feel alot of the time that God has not blessed me. I know Satan has me exactly where he wants me and I don't want that. So many times I fell into temptation over the last year, and alot of it I regret. I am totally ashamed of what I have done. There are people who have known me since I was just a little girl and they would never believe me if I told them the things that I have done. My parents were right for "kicking me out", but I just want to go home, save up some money and get my own place where I can start out clean. I would love to be accepted into HSBC, and have my life turned around to what it use to be and not what it is now. If anyone still uses this get at me, I would love to have someone to talk to I just really wish I could redo a lot of things over and change my life for the better... Please keep me in yout prayers Amber Marie &&edit&& I'm putting some things here cause I'm bored... i agree with the dictionary.
partying ---> before studying
friends before ` love.
peace [ before ] love.
& girls before guys
i want a guy©
who will stay up all night talking on
the phone with me until i get tired. i
want a guy who can make me laugh
by doing the stupidest things, a guy
who will tickle me until i can't breathe
but most of all I want a guy to prove
to me that he truly is the one......   
ME WITHOUT YOU
is like A&F without the moose,
coach without their Cs,
& laguna without the drama
POINTLESS   
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